My Metal Statue

St. Pantaleon

At Horeb they fashioned a calf,
worshiped a metal statue.
They exchanged their glorious God
for the image of a grass-eating bull. Psalm 106:19-20

I was talking to my husband last night about my vision I used to have of myself. It started when I was about 10 years old I guess. I knew then that I wanted to be a teacher. I used to spend time in my room pretending to be my teacher and "correcting" my papers. My workbook looked like a 2-year-old's coloring book it had so many marks in it! So I got my degree in teaching the little ones. I just love that age group. I got married and acquired a job with special education children which was also something that was in my heart. So I was definitely happy with that. I began working on my Master's.

Then life happened. My husband and I had our first child, then our second, and I decided to "take some time off" until our second went into school. I was still taking classes for a Master's in Curriculum, Instruction, and Assessment. I was home, but I was still restless. I felt like I had to do "more." I felt like I had to be making money for my efforts to be worth anything. In my effort to do so, my children became burdens. They were "in my way" of the happiness and success I had developed in my head. I was working from home with a wonderful company and doing quite well, but my home was a disaster. I define home here as my relationship with my husband, my children, and the general condition of my house.

I was still going for my Master's. I had these visions of being a Curriculum Specialist and helping teachers implement what they needed in their classrooms. I had these visions of helping them accommodate the special needs children, as well as the gifted. I was going to make a difference. God apparently had other plans for me. We have 3 children now and I am still staying home. I'm making a difference in my home now.

Through His grace I have come to see how important my role is as a mom. I have come to see my children as true blessings from Heaven above and am very grateful God allowed my husband and I to raise them. My metal statue was of myself. It involved my dreams and my idea of what my life would be. And who knows, maybe it will still happen. But for now, I'm content and happy with my life that God has opened my eyes to. I'm no longer willing to exchange my God for my own image I have of myself.

Lord, thank you for the blessings you have given my family and me. Please continue to bless us with Your truth and Your light.

Daily Readings:
Exodus 32:15-24, 30-34 Psalm 106:19-23 Matthew 13:31-35